Pema Chödrön on wanting things our way

From Heart Advice comes this quote from Pema Chödrön's When Things Fall Apart.

There's a slogan in the mahayana teachings that says, "Drive all blames into oneself." The essence of this slogan is, "When it hurts so bad, it's because I am hanging on so tight." It's not saying that we should beat ourselves up. It's not advocating martyrdom. What it implies is that pain comes from holding so tightly to having it our own way and that one of the main exits we take when we find ourselves uncomfortable, when we find ourselves in an unwanted situation or an unwanted place, is to blame.

This slogan is a helpful and interesting suggestion that we could begin to shift that deep-seated, ancient, habitual tendency to hang on to having everything on our own terms. The way to start would be, first, when we feel the tendency to blame, to try to get in touch with what it feels like to be holding on to ourselves so tightly.

For more on lojong (mind training) teachings, see Pema's article "Lojong: How to Awaken Your Heart," and Judy Lief's "I Want to Be… Skillful." You'll find lots more wisdom from Pema Chödrön on our Pema Chödrön spotlight page. Look for her on the cover of our November magazine, with an excerpt from her new book Living Beautifully.

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